


he usta would

by halfwheeze



Series: Winteriron Bingo 2019 (Round 1) [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Death of a Parental Figure, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Nostalgia, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, bucky barnes acting as Peter Parker's parental figure, peter parker pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 16:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18253286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwheeze/pseuds/halfwheeze
Summary: Peter hasn't been home in a long, long time, but everything is exactly the same as he left it.





	he usta would

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavy on the angst kids. Tread carefully. 
> 
> That being said, hope you enjoy!
> 
> This is my fill for Winteriron Bingo Square B1: Reminiscing!

Peter hasn't been home in a long, long time, but everything is exactly the same as he left it. This is only kinda home; it's not Aunt May's apartment, with the smell of smoke soaked into the wallpaper with how often things are burnt there, and it's not the Leeds' place, where both of Ned's moms tell him he's welcomed home. In the tower, no one welcomes him home. Friday has been muted for maybe two years, and Peter can't remember the last time he heard her voice. He would give her permission to unmute, but he doesn't want to disturb the delicate balance of the home that he has here, doesn't want to rock the boat and upset someone. 

Instead, he goes to the kitchen before seeking anyone out. The kitchen is the first place where Bucky convinced Tony to give him more fighting capabilities on the suit, laying it out half like a soldier and half like someone who cared about whether Peter lived or died, and it was just enough to convince Tony. Peter runs a hand over the granite countertop and remembers jumping onto it when he was a younger, kinder thing, talking incessantly as Bucky cooked dinner and Tony helped him hammer out his newest idea for his class presentations. He used to come here a lot during college, when Aunt May had just started dating and everything was so strange. He leaves the kitchen with burning in his nose that he refuses to place. 

He climbs the stairs instead of wading into the silent elevator, apprehensive of the crushing weight of a carrying box without the light noise making of an AI. He barely goes anywhere without Karen anymore, and he almost wishes he had worn his suit beneath his clothes today. He knows it unsettles people when he has something just resting on his skin like that, someone he talks to when he's all alone inside his head (he aches for the not-loneliness of Eddie Brock, but knows that there is something so different about the symbiote relationship that he'll never understand). Even the staircase has a memory to it, and Peter sets himself on a sleek metal stair. 

The first time he saw Bucky and Tony kiss was on these stairs. Really, only Bucky was on the stairs, lifting Tony by the waist and laughing, wide and loud and indulgent, as the genius clung onto him. Peter had cleared his throat and Bucky had flipped him off with a metal middle finger, making Tony giggle in a way that Peter had never heard. He gave the Winter Soldier a shovel talk that day, and Bucky had just bowed his head, promising that he believed him. 

Peter wipes himself off of the stairs and pretends that it's not tears making his vision blur a little bit, making his nose burn, making his face feel hot like a furnace. He's not going to cry. This isn't who he is. He's an adult man, he's his own man, and this is not home. He wipes himself off of the stairs and he starts up them again. 

He completely bypasses the floor that used to be his (the one that he never stayed on because he had a perfectly good room on the penthouse floor where he could always find Tony and Bucky just down the hall, safe). He doesn't need that kind of reminder, and it isn't like there's anything of his on that floor at all; he had cleared all of it out when he had moved in with MJ and Ned and said goodbye to all of this. 

He's almost to the penthouse when he discovers that he can't do it. There are people he forgot to visit before going to the floor that he knows will echo with sounds unmade, and this time, he does go to the elevator. Friday doesn't say a word to him and Peter wishes, wishes, wishes that he was brave enough to unmute her. He just wants to hear the lilt of the accent that he knows Tony took forever to code (because Tony used to tell her origin story like a goddamn play, like it was both of the greatest and most terrible stories in his repertoire). Instead, he keeps his own silence, and he heads down to the lab. 

It's quiet in there too, dimmed out and empty, and Peter wonders how long it has been since someone picked up any of the tools in here, since someone dusted off the tables and made science and made magic in here like Tony used to. He wants to be sorry for the fact that he doesn't come here more, that he doesn't give his presence to the lab and breathe air back into it, that he doesn't visit and play act like he's happy and have dinner and spend the night like he once did. At one point, he and Ned and MJ had come over for dinner about three times a week, when they were dirt broke and too proud to let Tony pay for college, but not too proud to spend the night in the cushy tower rather than their dorms, roach and alcohol infested as they were. 

When Peter touches a hand to a lab table, he feels a lot of different things. Once, he and Tony and Bruce had designed a whole new arm for Bucky here. Harley had been there, throwing in contributions on mechanics and begging them to add some kind of potato cannon because it would be  _ funny, come on Peter, live a little! _ Peter hasn't spoken to Harley in years, it seems like. It's probably right. Harley feels too much like the home that Peter won't admit that he left behind when it was falling apart. 

Sliding between the lab tables and walking to the couch in the back is familiar, and even the act of it almost brings tears to Peter's eyes. He's a grown man. This is not home. This was not his family, no matter how much it sometimes felt like they were. His family is Aunt May, his family is Ned Leeds and his best friend's moms, and MJ. Home is an apartment in Queens that smells like smoke and hope, and a place to kick off his shoes because Ned's Mama doesn't like dirt on the carpets, and it's not here. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes as he sits down on the couch, pressing like it'll make himself believe it. 

Dum-e beeps at him as the bot sticks its claw in Peter's lap. Peter pets him automatically, treating him more like a dog than anything else; Tony and Bucky used to play fetch with all of the bots, but Peter doesn't even see U or Butterfingers in the lab. They must be packed away for some reason, or maybe upstairs in the penthouse. It's not like Peter has any right to know anymore. 

He's paying more attention to Dum-e than his surroundings when Bucky sits down on the couch next to him, silent as a ghost like he's always been. Peter shoves down the choked up feeling in his throat and pets Dum-e some more, looking out into the rest of the lab. 

"Tony would be in the middle there, among the mess like it was the only place he belonged," he says eventually, still not looking at Bucky. Bucky hums. 

"Yeah," he says, "he usta would." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt me @halfwheeze on tumblr!
> 
> Drop me a comment if you liked it or want to actually kill me!


End file.
